Nice to meet you. Do you believe in God?
I wrote this post 34517634 times and it just doesn’t come out right. I wanted to talk about mental health and how I wish it was easy to talk about it and how it is getting easier for me because I’m meeting lots of people who are open and genuine about it. I also wanted to talk about how I suck at small talk and social interaction and how I love it when I meet someone who makes me feel at ease straight away so I can ask them about what superpower they wish they had instead of the weather.
But the right words just won’t come. And now it’s Friday night and I’m supposed to come up with something to post and I’ve been debating whether to just skip a week or unleash a stream of consciousness instead.
So yeah, I suck at small talk. My brain is not wired for that. If you’re meeting me for the first time, please be aware that I am mentally unable to come up with socially acceptable topics of conversations. I mean sure, after living in London for five years I can talk about the weather for an abnormally extensive amount of time, but I still haven’t learned how to top this up with the climatic passion that only a true British citizen is capable of.
I’m also terrible at starting conversations. At parties, I’m likely to be found in a corner holding a ginger beer and staring at a wall. Please come and talk to me. And if I’m not very responsive, it’s probably because I’m wandering at what point of the conversation it will be ok to ask you what your plan is in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
It’s always a relief when I manage to break the small-talk barrier with someone and start talking about serious shit. Most of the time I don’t care about what you did over the weekend. What I really want to know is how much you care about the planet, what would you name your future pets, what would you do if you were the last person alive on earth, and what your view is on mismatching socks. If we can have a conversation around these topics, I feel like we are truly establishing an authentic interaction with each other.
After my Zero Waste crisis last week, I had crisis about everything else. I felt properly shit for a few days, physically drained, emotionally exhausted. And I tried really hard to be honest about it. I am often guilty of saying I’m fine even when I’m not, but I think if you feel rubbish you should not be ashamed of it. I want to learn to admit it when I feel crap, and I want to learn how to respond to someone who tells me they are feeling crap.
I did tell people that I was struggling. I admitted that I was not in a good place. And all I found was love and support.
Sorry this was the biggest ramble ever and it probably didn’t make much sense. I’m still not feeling one hundred percent and I needed to let it out. But I'm happy mental health is becoming an acceptable topic of conversation for me. So let's all be more open and accepting towards it, shall we?
Also, let's stop talking about the freaking weather. It's winter, it's cold, there's nothing we can do about it. Ask me real questions. I'll provide real answers. Tell me all your secrets or don’t say anything at all.
Ps. Turned out the reason why I had to lie on the floor for two hours last week was that I'm a bit anaemic. Well at least that's solved.