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The Amazon is keeping me awake

Sat, 24 Aug 2019 23:30:13 +0000

The Amazon is keeping me awake

I have the feeling I have already written a post about this and it’s totally possible, considering this is not the first time I feel overwhelmed by the world. 

I haven’t been sleeping well for the past two weeks. I know it’s not a painfully long time, in the grand scheme of things at least. But for someone like me, who has the superpower of being able to sleep at any time of the day on any available surface, it’s quite a big deal.

At first I didn’t know why I couldn’t sleep. 
At first, I would just go to bed and fall asleep, and then I’d wake up two hours later in a pool of sweat, dragging myself out of nightmares populated by deadly earthquakes and ferocious hyenas.
Then I started struggling to drift off. I would switch the light off and just lie there, eyes wide open, unable to slow down my thoughts.

There are a couple fo things that have been on my mind lately, namely moving houses and flying to Canada.
As exciting as both these events are, they are also equally stressful. The Move has required an incredible amount of planning (finding someone to take over my room, figuring out where to stay in between moving out and going on holidays, having to drive a huge van full of furniture by myself), and as much as I CANNOT WAIT to go to Canada travelling also turns me into a stressy bundle of nerves.

But if I have to be honest with myself, what’s really keeping me awake at night is the current state of the world.
I’m going through one of those phases where I’m torn between wanting to do more and wishing I didn’t know anything about anything.
Lately I’ve been feeling like every time I want to make a difference I’m actually making no difference at all. I’m here ordering drinks without a straw and in the meantime the Amazon is burning. The thought that we’re gonna hit the point of no return in less than eleven years from now is far from comforting. I feel powerless and hopeless.

At the same time I have my own problems I need to think about. I’m at a point in my life where even having three meals a day requires a ridiculous amount of effort. When most of your energies are focused on therapy and trying to take care of yourself, it’s incredibly exhausting to also have to worry about global warming, climate change, fucked-up politics, racism, sexism, homophobia and plastic in the oceans.

So for the time being I read the news as little as possible and immediately head on to Cuteness Overload. And I’m going to watch 2040 today which hopefully is gonna give me some hope back.
I feel like I need all the love and good vibes I can get right now.

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